Origin: I read Blue Kangaroo a few days ago.Duoduoyun’s “Divorce“When thinking about this, I suddenly remembered a sentence: “Love, marriage, or parenting can all be seen as a process of self-improvement or even spiritual practice.” I think it makes sense, haha.
Coincidentally, on the Red Mud Forum, because of the faded romantic sentiment “It’s just that recently I suddenly have a deep doubt on whether I can continue to have the ability to do this well.” Wen Shuzhixiang wrote an interesting article.Two Notes on Being a Father, and uttered another deeply moving lament: “Being a father is hard, and being a father with a son is even harder.” Unexpectedly, this triggered another Qiao Mai to sigh: “The frustration of being a mother is also very strong.”
This time I couldn’t help but think of the saying “The process of raising a child can also be seen as a special process of practicing love.” And this time, it seems that the origin of “practicing love” has gradually become clearer in my mind.
That sentence (“It’s just that recently I have suddenly had deep doubts about whether I can continue to be a good parent.”) seems particularly like a response to Fromm in “The Art of Loving”. In that book published half a century ago, Fromm said something like this: Most people have the physical ability to be parents, but many of them do not have the psychological ability to be parents.
I would also like to respond to Fromm: But when we begin to deeply doubt whether we are capable of being good parents, we begin to psychologically have the ability to become parents.
This statement follows the logic of Lao Tzu, who wrote thousands of years ago: “To know that you do not know is noble; to not know that you know is diseased. The sage is not diseased, because he is aware of disease. It is because he is aware of disease that he is free from disease.”
I particularly like this quote; it’s like a tongue twister: “Eat grapes without spitting out the skins.” I understand Lao Tzu’s meaning to be something like this: When we recognize our own ignorance, when we deeply feel the problem with our own shortcomings, we may no longer be ill! — See, this is ancient wisdom.
Regarding the term “practice of love”, it was of course deeply influenced by Fromm. He was also a practitioner, and he was deeply influenced by Eastern culture in his later years.
Another figure particularly well-known in the children’s literature world is C.S. Lewis. His often-quoted saying, “Children’s literature meant only for children is bad children’s literature,” is a reflection of Red Mud’s motto, “Mud meant only for children to play with is not good mud.” C.S. Lewis’s “The Chronicles of Narnia” is a classic of fantasy literature, and J.K. Rowling has acknowledged him as her mentor. The reason for the seven “Harry Potter” books is likely closely related to the seven “Narnia” books. The strong Christian undertones (though with a more modern, feminist tone) in the “Harry Potter” books are a direct descendant of the undeniable Christian undertones of Narnia.
But few know that C.S. Lewis had two other identities: one as a literary historian and critic at Oxford University; the other as a Christian ambassador. During World War II, he delivered Christian lectures on the radio, brightening the hearts of many who had already lost their faith. Even fewer know that he abandoned Christianity in childhood, only returning to faith in his later years, a fact closely tied to his short-lived marriage: his first and last intended marriage partner, the woman he deeply loved, was terminally ill, yet he remained with her and stayed with her until her death. Even after her death, he continued to be with her through his writing. C.S. Lewis is a particularly typical example of someone who viewed love as a spiritual practice. His spiritual practice was Christianity.
I only recently learned that Fromm’s experience was somewhat similar. His “The Art of Loving” was completed during a brief period of happiness and peace after his fourth marriage. After that, his wife also suffered from a terminal illness and the disease lasted for a long time. Fromm practiced the “art of loving” through his actions.
The Art of Loving offers three fundamental elements for cultivating love as an artistic practice: first, discipline; second, concentration; and third, patience. Upon closer examination, these elements closely resemble the Buddhist concepts of “precepts, concentration, and wisdom.” This suggests that Fromm was deeply influenced by Eastern culture.
The principles for teaching children to “love reading” are similar. First, establish reasonable rules, with some ritualistic qualities, to constrain both the child and the reader. Second, cultivate their attention by reading aloud, and cultivate the habit of quiet reading through continuous silent reading—essentially, concentration. Third, persevere. The principle of helping children fall in love with reading is actually quite simple.
Parenting can be seen as a practice of love, as can dating and marriage. Their greatest advantage is that practitioners have a clear object of practice. Therefore, anyone with common sense should be able to realize that children and lovers are the best gifts bestowed by God.
By extension, a person’s entire life can be considered a practice of love. Of course, this is more difficult, as it often lacks a sense of purpose. Therefore, Christianity emphasizes universal love, Confucianism advocates “Respect the elderly as your own, and the young as your own,” and Buddhism emphasizes the Bodhisattva path. In short, it all comes down to extending one’s own kindness to others, as the saying goes, “Do not do to others what you do not want others to do to you.” But this is indeed difficult.
Therefore, the path of spiritual practice is truly long, and life holds many joys ahead. People with children are relatively more fortunate, primarily because spiritual practice is cheaper (convenient and appropriate). Haha~
