Hello, Ajia: I’m really confused lately. My son just turned six on August 30th and will start first grade in September. He’s been having a lot of problems in the first week, and I’ve learned a lot about him through his teacher. Everything I’ve worried about has happened to him: he has trouble paying attention in class, tends to zone out, and makes small movements. He even listens to other children talking to him. At first, I felt he was too young, and now I regret having him in a senior kindergarten for another year. He’s having a hard time learning pinyin. The teacher’s progress is pretty fast, and he’s never been exposed to pinyin before starting school. What should I do now? Where should I start? I think paying attention in class is the most important thing. He’s always bought books from Red Mud, and he hasn’t been very interested in reading since he was a kid. In the evenings, I spend over two hours just teaching him, and he’s exhausted. He doesn’t even have time to read anymore. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you!
Hello, Yangyang’s dad! I remember we exchanged this in this guestbook. The transition from kindergarten to primary school is indeed a difficult hurdle for children, and it’s no different for adults. My own experience is that we adults need to hold our own first.
Mr. Goodman, the founder of the Holistic Language School, once marveled: “Once children start school, they go from language prodigies to dull and struggling learners.” This is because traditional school instruction often dissipates the living language, breaking it down into fragmented segments, forcing students to rely on tedious memorization. For example, how important is pinyin to the use of Chinese? Just look at us adults and you’ll see: it’s certainly helpful, but not crucial, at least not a crucial component. Yet, once children enter school to learn a language, they must begin with such a difficult start, and those who can’t keep up are considered “idiots.” If that were the standard, most adults walking down the street today would be considered “idiots” (if you don’t believe me, just ask them to compete with a second-term first-grader in pinyin, haha).
But honestly, pinyin is very important for first-grade children. Why is it so important? (This is the key point I mentioned that needs to be “grasped firmly”) — its importance lies solely in the fact that learning pinyin will affect children’s confidence and mood. So, if we can understand this, we have two options: one is to help children learn pinyin very happily and relatively quickly; the other is to help them build confidence and maintain a happy mood regardless of whether they can learn pinyin that quickly, because this is the foundation for a child’s happy life and to ensure continued and effective learning. Pinyin itself is not important. So, if you truly feel it is difficult to teach your child pinyin happily and quickly, then simply focus on the second option. Otherwise, the situation will only get worse.
I remember meeting a Taiwanese elementary school teacher (also pursuing a PhD in children’s literature). She explained that for the first month with first graders, she barely had any formal classes. She primarily read picture books to her students and played various games. I was surprised and asked how she ultimately accomplished this task. She explained that after reading particularly engaging books to the children for a while, they became incredibly fond of her, willing to listen and actively cooperate. So, when she began formal teaching again, she could teach them everything she wanted.
The ideal application of this approach, of course, would be to promote it to teachers like Yangyang. If teachers were willing to begin their learning journeys this way with new students, those children would be willing to listen, enjoy learning, and naturally, generally develop considerable self-confidence. Isn’t that right? — However, I believe it’s difficult to expect teachers to do this right now. Most teachers prefer that children be self-sufficient, ideally having mastered pinyin and basic literacy by kindergarten (which would make the teaching task easier). Therefore, teachers lavishly praise fast learners, perhaps to the point of inflating their confidence. Meanwhile, they constantly pressure slow learners and their parents, until the parents’ confidence in their children and the children’s confidence in themselves steadily declines, to the point where they finally realize, “It’s their own stupidity, not the teacher’s,” and thus feel reassured. — Of course, even such teachers may feel well-intentioned, because they often face extremely unfair pressure.
So what should we do? There’s a saying I often quote: “One good father is worth a hundred good principals.” Again, if we have our own confidence, we can help our children according to normal educational and developmental principles, balancing the relationship between school and home. School can have a significant impact on children, but the family is the most crucial influence. A child’s self-confidence is primarily influenced by their family; their willingness to listen and their ability to pay attention when spoken to (including in class) are also largely influenced by their family. For example, we need to determine whether the child receives more encouragement, praise, appropriate evaluation, and positive affirmation at home, or more criticism, urging, and negative negation. Furthermore, reading aloud to children, especially books they particularly enjoy and that put them in a joyful mood, is extremely helpful in developing their listening skills. To be more specific, for example, if we can already allocate two hours to help our children learn pinyin, we can split those two hours up, reducing the time dedicated to pinyin learning to half an hour. We can then use another half an hour to share uplifting books with our children, another half an hour for games or exercise, and another half an hour for a walk and conversation outdoors. You may find that the effect of learning pinyin in half an hour is no less than two hours, and may even be greater.
I remember my daughter’s first week at school was pretty rough. She even told me she secretly cried in the classroom on her first day. Then one day she was really unhappy and wouldn’t tell me why. I suddenly remembered a picture book I was reviewing for a friend at the time—a really cheerful one. So I asked her, “Do you feel really unlucky today?” She nodded. I said, “Let me tell you a story. The person in the story is definitely more unlucky than you, believe it?” She was naturally curious, so I read the book to her. The story was about a beautiful spring day. As the mole was about to leave his hole for some fresh air, a pile of poop landed on his head. Poor Mole, he was nearsighted and couldn’t even see who it was! And so the story began… For a few days, we read “Who Pulled on My Head” every day, laughing heartily and feeling thankful that we weren’t that unlucky after all. As for why my daughter was so unhappy during that period, I didn’t bother to ask anymore.
I see home as a child’s fortress, a place where she can fully enjoy love, complete security, and complete trust. Whether she excels outside of this fortress is her own business, and I believe she will eventually find her place. Regardless of whether she excels, as long as she returns to this fortress, she will still enjoy love, complete security, and complete trust. I am responsible for the strength of this fortress. Home is not a school.
A final note: For children who are about to enter the transition period from kindergarten to primary school, and are preparing to start their studies in the regular school system, I think parents, if possible, can help their children familiarize themselves with pinyin. It’s also a good idea to incorporate some literacy activities into the rich and enjoyable parent-child reading process. This is mainly to avoid unnecessary confidence setbacks for children when they first start school. Currently, most teachers assume that children have already started learning pinyin and literacy before starting school, so they design a faster initial teaching schedule. However, if the psychological quality of the child and the parents is strong enough, it doesn’t really matter. It’s just a trivial matter. :)
