{"id":3649,"date":"2009-10-16T14:28:29","date_gmt":"2009-10-16T06:28:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ajia.site\/blog\/2009\/10\/16\/yu_yang_yang_20091016\/"},"modified":"2009-10-16T14:28:29","modified_gmt":"2009-10-16T06:28:29","slug":"yu_yang_yang_20091016","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ajia.site\/blog\/en\/2009\/10\/16\/yu_yang_yang_20091016\/","title":{"rendered":"Con\u00adtin\u00adue to dis\u00adcuss par\u00adent\u00ading strate\u00adgies with Yangyang\u2019s dad: read\u00ading, ask\u00ading ques\u00adtions, reward\u00ading, etc\u2026"},"content":{"rendered":"

(Con\u00adtin\u00adued) Dis\u00adcussing with Yangyang\u2019s father the strate\u00adgies for first graders to pass the pinyin test and oth\u00ader top\u00adics<\/a>
\n 
\nYangyang\u2019s father:
\nHel\u00adlo, Teacher Ajia: I have a few ques\u00adtions for you. Yangyang has been mak\u00ading good progress late\u00adly. He just fin\u00adished learn\u00ading pinyin. He has no prob\u00adlem read\u00ading from the book, but he gets con\u00adfused when he\u2019s read\u00ading it alone. His teacher now has him read\u00ading pic\u00adture books with pinyin at home. I\u2019m a lit\u00adtle con\u00adfused. Watch\u00ading him spell each word, he looks exhaust\u00aded. He can\u2019t even form a coher\u00adent sen\u00adtence, and he often gets con\u00adfused. It seems like he\u2019s strug\u00adgling, let alone under\u00adstand\u00ading the con\u00adtent. I\u2019m wor\u00adried he\u2019ll lose inter\u00adest in read\u00ading on his own. He\u2019s real\u00adly not very patient with this method. I\u2019m won\u00adder\u00ading if there\u2019s any good way to help him. Are there any books with pinyin suit\u00adable for his sit\u00adu\u00ada\u00adtion?
\n 
\n2. After read\u00ading to my child, I some\u00adtimes ask him ques\u00adtions, but he\u2019s reluc\u00adtant to answer. Some\u00adtimes I tell him he must not have been lis\u00adten\u00ading care\u00adful\u00adly, oth\u00ader\u00adwise he would\u00adn\u2019t remem\u00adber. Maybe I\u2019m just too impa\u00adtient. The oth\u00ader day I reread Nao\u00adki Mat\u00adsui\u2019s The Seed of Hap\u00adpi\u00adness. He does\u00adn\u2019t advo\u00adcate ask\u00ading chil\u00addren ques\u00adtions, and that makes sense. How\u00adev\u00ader, some argue that it\u2019s bet\u00adter to let chil\u00addren ask ques\u00adtions or have them answer ques\u00adtions after\u00adward. Isn\u2019t ask\u00ading ques\u00adtions more util\u00adi\u00adtar\u00adi\u00adan? Have you ever made your child fall in love with read\u00ading books on this sub\u00adject?
\n 
\n3. I made a red flag list for Yangyang from the begin\u00adning of the school year. It was divid\u00aded into sev\u00ader\u00adal major items, such as com\u00adplet\u00ading home\u00adwork on time, help\u00ading adults with house\u00adwork, brush\u00ading teeth on time, etc. Each time you com\u00adplete an item, you get a small red flag. After a few days, except for com\u00adplet\u00ading home\u00adwork on time every day, he could\u00adn\u2019t stick to the oth\u00ader things. A few days ago, he said, \u201cDad, you pay me for my house\u00adwork.\u201d I remem\u00adbered the red flag list. Let\u2019s put it this way, if you insist on com\u00adplet\u00ading one of the items we agreed on every day, you will get a small red flag. A small red flag is worth ten cents, and we will set\u00adtle the bill at the end of the month. Since there was the temp\u00adta\u00adtion of mon\u00adey, he has been very active every day. My wife said that this is not okay. Doing home\u00adwork is not good.
\nThis is all nat\u00adur\u00adal, so why would he need mon\u00adey? This habit isn\u2019t good. But I think it will great\u00adly boost his moti\u00adva\u00adtion and help him learn about finan\u00adcial man\u00adage\u00adment. He can use his own earn\u00adings to buy things he likes. (Also, I want to say that Yangyang is such a thrifty kid. He used to erase and rewrite his home\u00adwork note\u00adbooks, say\u00ading it would save mon\u00adey.) Do you think my method is worth\u00adwhile? Thank you, Teacher Ajia.
\n <\/p>\n

\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2014\u2013
\n 
\nArgenti\u00adna: Regard\u00ading the first prob\u00adlem you men\u00adtioned, it is very com\u00admon and the solu\u00adtion is very sim\u00adple and clear.
\n <\/p>\n

While teach\u00aders sug\u00adgest \u201cread\u00ading books with pinyin at home,\u201d this is a good idea, we must under\u00adstand that it\u2019s an exer\u00adcise in learn\u00ading pinyin and rec\u00adog\u00adniz\u00ading char\u00adac\u00adters, not read\u00ading per se. This prac\u00adtice can be done mod\u00ader\u00adate\u00adly with\u00adout ded\u00adi\u00adcat\u00ading too much time. At this stage, the two sim\u00adplest strate\u00adgies for guid\u00ading chil\u00addren to read are: first, adults should read to them joy\u00adful\u00adly; sec\u00adond, find books whose con\u00adtent and for\u00admat par\u00adtic\u00adu\u00adlar\u00adly inter\u00adest chil\u00addren and invite them to read them for fun, whether look\u00ading at the words or the pic\u00adtures. In addi\u00adtion to pic\u00adture books, it\u2019s best to find enjoy\u00adable comics and com\u00adic books, pro\u00advid\u00aded the child enjoys them, even if they\u2019re a lit\u00adtle dif\u00adfi\u00adcult. The prin\u00adci\u00adple is clear: nev\u00ader turn read\u00ading into spelling drills or oth\u00ader forms of gru\u00adel\u00ading prac\u00adtice.
\n <\/p>\n

Regard\u00ading your sec\u00adond ques\u00adtion, regard\u00ading books that help chil\u00addren fall in love with read\u00ading, I think Nao Mat\u00adsui\u2019s \u201cNao Mat\u00adsui on Pic\u00adture Books: The Seeds of Hap\u00adpi\u00adness\u201d and \u201cMy The\u00ado\u00adry of Pic\u00adture Books\u201d are excel\u00adlent in their own right. While they focus on pic\u00adture book read\u00ading, they also con\u00adtain pro\u00adfound wis\u00addom about par\u00adent\u00ading and life. I also wrote a book called \u201cHelp\u00ading Chil\u00addren Fall in Love with Read\u00ading: A Hand\u00adbook for Pro\u00admot\u00ading Chil\u00addren\u2019s Read\u00ading,\u201d but it\u2019s not specif\u00adi\u00adcal\u00adly writ\u00adten for par\u00adents, and some sec\u00adtions may not be of inter\u00adest to par\u00adents. In the book\u2019s dis\u00adcus\u00adsion of the prin\u00adci\u00adples of guid\u00ading chil\u00addren\u2019s read\u00ading, I pri\u00admar\u00adi\u00adly draw on key ideas from books like Tillis\u2019s \u201cThe Read\u00ading Hand\u00adbook,\u201d Cham\u00adber\u00ads\u2019s \u201cCre\u00adat\u00ading a Read\u00ading Envi\u00adron\u00adment for Chil\u00addren,\u201d and Nord\u00adman\u2019s \u201cThe Joy of Chil\u00addren\u2019s Lit\u00ader\u00ada\u00adture.\u201d All of these books are cur\u00adrent\u00adly avail\u00adable at Red Niba, but I rec\u00adom\u00admend start\u00ading with \u201cThe Read\u00ading Hand\u00adbook.\u201d The lat\u00adter two books are more tech\u00adni\u00adcal and the\u00ado\u00adret\u00adi\u00adcal, and can be quite chal\u00adleng\u00ading.
\n <\/p>\n

Regard\u00ading the ques\u00adtion of \u201cwhether to ask chil\u00addren ques\u00adtions after read\u00ading a book\u201d, I don\u2019t think it\u2019s nec\u00ades\u00adsary to make a gen\u00ader\u00adal and arbi\u00adtrary con\u00adclu\u00adsion. How\u00adev\u00ader, it is basi\u00adcal\u00adly cer\u00adtain that if you leave a few prob\u00ading ques\u00adtions for chil\u00addren every time after read\u00ading a book, this is one of the com\u00admon short\u00adcuts to effec\u00adtive\u00adly and sig\u00adnif\u00adi\u00adcant\u00adly reduce chil\u00addren\u2019s enthu\u00adsi\u00adasm for read\u00ading, with few excep\u00adtions. But if I say \u201cyou must not ask chil\u00addren ques\u00adtions\u201d, then I think adults (par\u00adents, espe\u00adcial\u00adly teach\u00aders) will def\u00adi\u00adnite\u00adly be suf\u00adfo\u00adcat\u00aded. Because I am also a father, I can deeply under\u00adstand that when an adult stands in front of a child \u201cquite author\u00adi\u00adta\u00adtive\u00adly\u201d with\u00adout ask\u00ading a few ques\u00adtions or say\u00ading a few words, it is extreme\u00adly dif\u00adfi\u00adcult, and it may real\u00adly suf\u00adfo\u00adcate peo\u00adple to death, haha~
\n <\/p>\n

Read\u00ading with chil\u00addren is both the child\u2019s and the adult\u2019s busi\u00adness, and it should be enjoy\u00adable for both par\u00adties, right? Con\u00adstant\u00adly pes\u00adter\u00ading chil\u00addren with ques\u00adtions makes them unhap\u00adpy, which is nat\u00adu\u00adral\u00adly not good. How\u00adev\u00ader, con\u00adstant\u00adly pro\u00adhibit\u00ading adults from ask\u00ading ques\u00adtions also makes them unhap\u00adpy (or even suf\u00adfo\u00adcat\u00ading), which is nat\u00adu\u00adral\u00adly not good either. What should we do?
\n <\/p>\n

So, in prac\u00adtice, I gen\u00ader\u00adal\u00adly rec\u00adom\u00admend a more bal\u00adanced approach. Adults should still ask ques\u00adtions, but how and what to ask should be con\u00adsid\u00adered. For exam\u00adple, before I have the urge to both\u00ader my child with a ques\u00adtion, I hold back and wait a moment, ask\u00ading myself the fol\u00adlow\u00ading ques\u00adtion: What is the pur\u00adpose of this ques\u00adtion? I gen\u00ader\u00adal\u00adly cat\u00ade\u00adgo\u00adrize ques\u00adtions into three types:
\n <\/p>\n

The first type is when you gen\u00aduine\u00adly want to ask a child a ques\u00adtion, or when you\u2019re an adult and you\u2019re real\u00adly con\u00adfused (this hap\u00adpens to me a lot), or you\u2019re just curi\u00adous and want to under\u00adstand what the child is think\u00ading. These ques\u00adtions are top-notch, so feel free to ask more. Just be sin\u00adcere and don\u2019t act like an adult. Don\u2019t be ashamed to ask!
\n <\/p>\n

The sec\u00adond type involves ques\u00adtions you ask when you\u2019ve found some\u00adthing inter\u00adest\u00ading and feel you have a unique per\u00adspec\u00adtive, hop\u00ading to catch your child\u2019s atten\u00adtion and show off in front of them. These ques\u00adtions are con\u00adsid\u00adered mod\u00ader\u00adate and require care\u00adful ques\u00adtion\u00ading, and a less aggres\u00adsive atti\u00adtude (this has been a recipe for fail\u00adure), as chil\u00addren may have their own, per\u00adhaps even bet\u00adter, opin\u00adions. Of course, these so-called \u201cques\u00adtions\u201d are pri\u00admar\u00adi\u00adly about shar\u00ading the joy of read\u00ading. Chil\u00addren will be more recep\u00adtive to them if you engage in an equal exchange and avoid imper\u00adson\u00adat\u00ading adults.
\n <\/p>\n

The third type involves ques\u00adtions asked out of con\u00adcern that the child has\u00adn\u2019t under\u00adstood and want\u00adi\u00adng to test them, or know\u00ading they already under\u00adstand and want\u00adi\u00adng to rein\u00adforce their impres\u00adsion, or know\u00ading they don\u2019t under\u00adstand and want\u00adi\u00adng to show off their prowess. These ques\u00adtions are of the low\u00ader order, and the lat\u00adter is espe\u00adcial\u00adly so. It\u2019s best to refrain from ask\u00ading these kinds of ques\u00adtions, even if you\u2019re tru\u00adly choking\u2014and in fact, so far, there haven\u2019t been any such cas\u00ades. How\u00adev\u00ader, if you do man\u00adage to ask one or two of these ques\u00adtions, don\u2019t feel guilty or wor\u00adried. Trust your child\u2019s resilience. Haven\u2019t we all been there? We\u2019ve been vic\u00adtims of this kind of par\u00adent\u00ading for so many years, and haven\u2019t we sur\u00advived just as well?
\n 
\nBut, Con\u00adfu\u00adcius taught us: Do not do to oth\u00aders what you do not want oth\u00aders to do to you. \u2014 Try your best and don\u2019t make it a sec\u00adond time.
\n 
\nRegard\u00ading the third ques\u00adtion, it nat\u00adu\u00adral\u00adly reminds me of a lit\u00adtle sto\u00adry.
\n <\/p>\n

This is prob\u00ada\u00adbly a joke. There was an old man who lived in a house near a square. He was gen\u00ader\u00adal\u00adly a lit\u00adtle afraid of noise, but what he feared most was the dis\u00adcard\u00aded bot\u00adtles and cans in the square. Chil\u00addren pass\u00ading by on their way to and from school loved to kick and play with them, and the harsh, irreg\u00adu\u00adlar noise was unbear\u00adable for the old man. He want\u00aded to run out and stop them, but calm\u00ading down seemed point\u00adless. So he pon\u00addered and final\u00adly came up with a bril\u00adliant plan.<\/p>\n

The next day, he met a few boys who seemed to be the lead\u00aders of the chil\u00addren and enthu\u00adsi\u00adas\u00adti\u00adcal\u00adly told them that he loved the sound of chil\u00addren kick\u00ading cans. He want\u00aded to invite them to kick cans every day and give them a dol\u00adlar a day. Of course, the chil\u00addren agreed. They loved kick\u00ading cans any\u00adway, and now some\u00adone was pay\u00ading them, so why not? So they came every day to kick cans, and the old man actu\u00adal\u00adly paid them.<\/p>\n

But a few days lat\u00ader, the old man came to them, look\u00ading a lit\u00adtle wor\u00adried. He said the stock mar\u00adket had dropped that week, and he was a lit\u00adtle tight on cash, but he still real\u00adly want\u00aded to hear the kids play kick the can. Could they offer a dis\u00adcount, fifty cents per per\u00adson per day? The kids were a lit\u00adtle unhap\u00adpy. \u201cHow could there be a dis\u00adcount for some\u00adthing like that?\u201d But it was bet\u00adter than noth\u00ading, so they con\u00adtin\u00adued play\u00ading.<\/p>\n

A few days lat\u00ader, the old man stopped them in a dis\u00adtressed tone, say\u00ading that the stock mar\u00adket had crashed and he was bank\u00adrupt, but he real\u00adly want\u00aded to hear that beau\u00adti\u00adful sound and asked if they could con\u00adtin\u00adue to kick the can for free. The chil\u00addren were furi\u00adous and said, \u201cTsk\u2014who would want to kick the can with\u00adout pay\u00ading?\u201d From then on, the sound of kick\u00ading the can was rarely heard in the square.
\n <\/p>\n

Lao Tzu teach\u00ades us: \u201cDo not hon\u00ador the vir\u00adtu\u00adous, and the peo\u00adple will not quar\u00adrel; do not val\u00adue rare goods, and the peo\u00adple will not steal; do not show what is desir\u00adable, and the peo\u00adple\u2019s hearts will not be dis\u00adturbed.\u201d Apply\u00ading this prin\u00adci\u00adple to the issue of chil\u00addrea\u00adr\u00ading is also very enlight\u00aden\u00ading. Peo\u00adple have very nat\u00adur\u00adal things, which are inher\u00adent\u00adly joy\u00adful. How\u00adev\u00ader, once con\u00adcep\u00adtu\u00adal dis\u00adtinc\u00adtions are made, once they are linked to inter\u00adests and val\u00adues, they begin to detract from their val\u00adue.
\n <\/p>\n

This isn\u2019t to say that I think spir\u00adi\u00adtu\u00adal rewards like putting up red flags or apply\u00ading red flow\u00aders, or mate\u00adr\u00adi\u00adal rewards like pay\u00ading for house\u00adwork or cal\u00adcu\u00adlat\u00ading work points, are bad or some\u00adthing we should\u00adn\u2019t do. Quite the con\u00adtrary, I do them myself from time to time. We get 1\u20132 yuan per dish\u00adwash\u00ading (depend\u00ading on the dif\u00adfi\u00adcul\u00adty) because that\u2019s the envi\u00adron\u00adment we live in; it\u2019s the \u201cnature\u201d we cur\u00adrent\u00adly inhab\u00adit.
\n <\/p>\n

However\u2014and I think this is par\u00adtic\u00adu\u00adlar\u00adly important\u2014we should not ignore the harm of this method. I think the most fatal harm of this method is that it may cause chil\u00addren to lose the joy of it and find it dif\u00adfi\u00adcult to achieve peace of mind by strength\u00aden\u00ading deep prac\u00adtice.
\n <\/p>\n

Sun Tzu teach\u00ades us: \u201cIf you do not know the harm of employ\u00ading troops, you do not know the ben\u00ade\u00adfits of employ\u00ading troops.\u201d Sol\u00addiers must be employed, but only by under\u00adstand\u00ading their harm can we prop\u00ader\u00adly grasp the appro\u00adpri\u00adate mea\u00adsures, there\u00adby max\u00adi\u00admiz\u00ading their ben\u00ade\u00adfits and min\u00adi\u00admiz\u00ading their harms.
\n <\/p>\n

For exam\u00adple, let\u2019s talk about spe\u00adcif\u00adic tasks, like house\u00adwork. While we have a clear\u00adly marked price for house\u00adwork in our house, there are a few addi\u00adtion\u00adal prin\u00adci\u00adples. For exam\u00adple, chores that are your own respon\u00adsi\u00adbil\u00adi\u00adty don\u2019t count; the mon\u00adey earned must have a clear pur\u00adpose (for exam\u00adple, my daugh\u00adter said it was for mis\u00adcel\u00adla\u00adneous expens\u00ades, work\u00adbooks, or a gift for a friend, and I whole\u00adheart\u00aded\u00adly agree with all of this); we rec\u00adom\u00admend set\u00adting up a self-man\u00adaged account; and we espe\u00adcial\u00adly encour\u00adage com\u00admu\u00adni\u00adty ser\u00advice, which is fun! \u2014 Indeed, my daugh\u00adter often claims to do it for free, and she enjoys it immense\u00adly.
\n 
\nAris\u00adto\u00adtle taught us: The essence of life lies in the pur\u00adsuit of hap\u00adpi\u00adness! \u2014 I under\u00adstand that this is the most impor\u00adtant and dif\u00adfi\u00adcult part in edu\u00adcat\u00ading chil\u00addren.
\n <\/p>\n

For exam\u00adple, cook\u00ading, a house\u00adhold chore, is not enjoy\u00adable if it\u2019s sim\u00adply a neces\u00adsi\u00adty for sur\u00advival. It requires some form of reward, like red flags, red flow\u00aders, or wages. But chores them\u00adselves can also be joy\u00adful. It\u2019s said that the renowned direc\u00adtor John Woo enjoys spend\u00ading time in the kitchen cook\u00ading when he\u2019s not film\u00ading. If you can appre\u00adci\u00adate that some\u00adthing is inher\u00adent\u00adly joy\u00adful, then any spir\u00adi\u00adtu\u00adal or mate\u00adr\u00adi\u00adal rewards become com\u00adplete\u00adly unnec\u00ades\u00adsary, even an insult or a poi\u00adson that erodes hap\u00adpi\u00adness.
\n <\/p>\n

But how can we make chil\u00addren real\u00adize that read\u00ading itself is hap\u00adpi\u00adness, learn\u00ading itself is hap\u00adpi\u00adness, tak\u00ading care of one\u2019s own life itself is hap\u00adpi\u00adness, doing house\u00adwork itself is hap\u00adpi\u00adness, life itself is hap\u00adpi\u00adness, being alive itself is hap\u00adpi\u00adness\u2026 How can we make them real\u00adize this?
\n 
\nThis is a dif\u00adfi\u00adcult prob\u00adlem, a very dif\u00adfi\u00adcult prob\u00adlem, because, have we expe\u00adri\u00adenced it our\u00adselves?
\n 
\nRegard\u00ading the third ques\u00adtion, here\u2019s what I think. Fel\u00adlow car\u00ading fathers, let\u2019s encour\u00adage each oth\u00ader.
\n <\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\uff08\u7eed\u524d\uff09\u4e0e\u6d0b\u6d0b\u7238\u5207\u78cb\u4e00\u5e74\u7ea7\u65b0\u751f\u8fc7\u62fc\u97f3\u5173\u7684\u653b\u7565\u53ca\u5176\u5b83 \u00a0 \u6d0b\u6d0b\u7238\uff1a \u963f\u7532\u8001\u5e08\u4f60\u597d\uff1a\u6709\u51e0\u4e2a\u95ee\u9898\u60f3\u8bf7\u6559\u4f60\uff0c\u6d0b\u6d0b\u6700\u8fd1\u8fdb […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wp_typography_post_enhancements_disabled":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[23],"tags":[246,93,440,441,163,439,182,26,92],"class_list":["post-3649","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-timemachine","tag-246","tag-93","tag-440","tag-441","tag-163","tag-439","tag-182","tag-26","tag-92"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ajia.site\/blog\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3649","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ajia.site\/blog\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ajia.site\/blog\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ajia.site\/blog\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ajia.site\/blog\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3649"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/ajia.site\/blog\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3649\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ajia.site\/blog\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3649"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ajia.site\/blog\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3649"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ajia.site\/blog\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3649"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}