{"id":1141,"date":"2009-09-25T09:15:42","date_gmt":"2009-09-25T01:15:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ajia.site\/blog\/?p=1141"},"modified":"2025-09-14T10:19:56","modified_gmt":"2025-09-14T02:19:56","slug":"about_love_20090925","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ajia.site\/blog\/en\/2009\/09\/25\/about_love_20090925\/","title":{"rendered":"Chat\u00adting about the prac\u00adtice of love"},"content":{"rendered":"

   
\nOri\u00adgin: I read Blue Kan\u00adga\u00adroo a few days ago.Duo\u00adduoyun\u2019s \u201cDivorce\u201c<\/a>When think\u00ading about this, I sud\u00adden\u00adly remem\u00adbered a sen\u00adtence: \u201cLove, mar\u00adriage, or par\u00adent\u00ading can all be seen as a process of self-improve\u00adment or even spir\u00adi\u00adtu\u00adal prac\u00adtice.\u201d I think it makes sense, haha.<\/p>\n

   
\nCoin\u00adci\u00adden\u00adtal\u00adly, on the Red Mud Forum, because of the fad\u00aded roman\u00adtic sen\u00adti\u00adment \u201cIt\u2019s just that recent\u00adly I sud\u00adden\u00adly have a deep doubt on whether I can con\u00adtin\u00adue to have the abil\u00adi\u00adty to do this well.\u201d Wen Shuzhix\u00adi\u00adang wrote an inter\u00adest\u00ading arti\u00adcle.Two Notes on Being a Father<\/a>, and uttered anoth\u00ader deeply mov\u00ading lament: \u201cBeing a father is hard, and being a father with a son is even hard\u00ader.\u201d Unex\u00adpect\u00aded\u00adly, this trig\u00adgered anoth\u00ader Qiao Mai to sigh: \u201cThe frus\u00adtra\u00adtion of being a moth\u00ader is also very strong.\u201d<\/p>\n

   
\nThis time I could\u00adn\u2019t help but think of the say\u00ading \u201cThe process of rais\u00ading a child can also be seen as a spe\u00adcial process of prac\u00adtic\u00ading love.\u201d And this time, it seems that the ori\u00adgin of \u201cprac\u00adtic\u00ading love\u201d has grad\u00adu\u00adal\u00adly become clear\u00ader in my mind.
\n <\/p>\n

     
\nThat sen\u00adtence (\u201cIt\u2019s just that recent\u00adly I have sud\u00adden\u00adly had deep doubts about whether I can con\u00adtin\u00adue to be a good par\u00adent.\u201d) seems par\u00adtic\u00adu\u00adlar\u00adly like a response to Fromm in \u201cThe Art of Lov\u00ading\u201d. In that book pub\u00adlished half a cen\u00adtu\u00adry ago, Fromm said some\u00adthing like this: Most peo\u00adple have the phys\u00adi\u00adcal abil\u00adi\u00adty to be par\u00adents, but many of them do not have the psy\u00adcho\u00adlog\u00adi\u00adcal abil\u00adi\u00adty to be par\u00adents.
\n <\/p>\n

     
\nI would also like to respond to Fromm: But when we begin to deeply doubt whether we are capa\u00adble of being good par\u00adents, we begin to psy\u00adcho\u00adlog\u00adi\u00adcal\u00adly have the abil\u00adi\u00adty to become par\u00adents.
\n <\/p>\n

     
\nThis state\u00adment fol\u00adlows the log\u00adic of Lao Tzu, who wrote thou\u00adsands of years ago: \u201cTo know that you do not know is noble; to not know that you know is dis\u00adeased. The sage is not dis\u00adeased, because he is aware of dis\u00adease. It is because he is aware of dis\u00adease that he is free from dis\u00adease.\u201d
\n <\/p>\n

     
\nI par\u00adtic\u00adu\u00adlar\u00adly like this quote; it\u2019s like a tongue twister: \u201cEat grapes with\u00adout spit\u00adting out the skins.\u201d I under\u00adstand Lao Tzu\u2019s mean\u00ading to be some\u00adthing like this: When we rec\u00adog\u00adnize our own igno\u00adrance, when we deeply feel the prob\u00adlem with our own short\u00adcom\u00adings, we may no longer be ill! \u2014 See, this is ancient wis\u00addom.
\n <\/p>\n

     
\nRegard\u00ading the term \u201cprac\u00adtice of love\u201d, it was of course deeply influ\u00adenced by Fromm. He was also a prac\u00adti\u00adtion\u00ader, and he was deeply influ\u00adenced by East\u00adern cul\u00adture in his lat\u00ader years.
\n <\/p>\n

     
\nAnoth\u00ader fig\u00adure par\u00adtic\u00adu\u00adlar\u00adly well-known in the chil\u00addren\u2019s lit\u00ader\u00ada\u00adture world is C.S. Lewis. His often-quot\u00aded say\u00ading, \u201cChil\u00addren\u2019s lit\u00ader\u00ada\u00adture meant only for chil\u00addren is bad chil\u00addren\u2019s lit\u00ader\u00ada\u00adture,\u201d is a reflec\u00adtion of Red Mud\u2019s mot\u00adto, \u201cMud meant only for chil\u00addren to play with is not good mud.\u201d C.S. Lewis\u2019s \u201cThe Chron\u00adi\u00adcles of Nar\u00adnia\u201d is a clas\u00adsic of fan\u00adta\u00adsy lit\u00ader\u00ada\u00adture, and J.K. Rowl\u00ading has acknowl\u00adedged him as her men\u00adtor. The rea\u00adson for the sev\u00aden \u201cHar\u00adry Pot\u00adter\u201d books is like\u00adly close\u00adly relat\u00aded to the sev\u00aden \u201cNar\u00adnia\u201d books. The strong Chris\u00adt\u00adian under\u00adtones (though with a more mod\u00adern, fem\u00adi\u00adnist tone) in the \u201cHar\u00adry Pot\u00adter\u201d books are a direct descen\u00addant of the unde\u00adni\u00adable Chris\u00adt\u00adian under\u00adtones of Nar\u00adnia.
\n <\/p>\n

     
\nBut few know that C.S. Lewis had two oth\u00ader iden\u00adti\u00adties: one as a lit\u00ader\u00adary his\u00adto\u00adri\u00adan and crit\u00adic at Oxford Uni\u00adver\u00adsi\u00adty; the oth\u00ader as a Chris\u00adt\u00adian ambas\u00adsador. Dur\u00ading World War II, he deliv\u00adered Chris\u00adt\u00adian lec\u00adtures on the radio, bright\u00aden\u00ading the hearts of many who had already lost their faith. Even few\u00ader know that he aban\u00addoned Chris\u00adtian\u00adi\u00adty in child\u00adhood, only return\u00ading to faith in his lat\u00ader years, a fact close\u00adly tied to his short-lived mar\u00adriage: his first and last intend\u00aded mar\u00adriage part\u00adner, the woman he deeply loved, was ter\u00admi\u00adnal\u00adly ill, yet he remained with her and stayed with her until her death. Even after her death, he con\u00adtin\u00adued to be with her through his writ\u00ading. C.S. Lewis is a par\u00adtic\u00adu\u00adlar\u00adly typ\u00adi\u00adcal exam\u00adple of some\u00adone who viewed love as a spir\u00adi\u00adtu\u00adal prac\u00adtice. His spir\u00adi\u00adtu\u00adal prac\u00adtice was Chris\u00adtian\u00adi\u00adty.
\n <\/p>\n

     
\nI only recent\u00adly learned that From\u00adm\u2019s expe\u00adri\u00adence was some\u00adwhat sim\u00adi\u00adlar. His \u201cThe Art of Lov\u00ading\u201d was com\u00adplet\u00aded dur\u00ading a brief peri\u00adod of hap\u00adpi\u00adness and peace after his fourth mar\u00adriage. After that, his wife also suf\u00adfered from a ter\u00admi\u00adnal ill\u00adness and the dis\u00adease last\u00aded for a long time. Fromm prac\u00adticed the \u201cart of lov\u00ading\u201d through his actions.
\n <\/p>\n

     
\nThe Art of Lov\u00ading offers three fun\u00adda\u00admen\u00adtal ele\u00adments for cul\u00adti\u00advat\u00ading love as an artis\u00adtic prac\u00adtice: first, dis\u00adci\u00adpline; sec\u00adond, con\u00adcen\u00adtra\u00adtion; and third, patience. Upon clos\u00ader exam\u00adi\u00adna\u00adtion, these ele\u00adments close\u00adly resem\u00adble the Bud\u00addhist con\u00adcepts of \u201cpre\u00adcepts, con\u00adcen\u00adtra\u00adtion, and wis\u00addom.\u201d This sug\u00adgests that Fromm was deeply influ\u00adenced by East\u00adern cul\u00adture.
\n <\/p>\n

     
\nThe prin\u00adci\u00adples for teach\u00ading chil\u00addren to \u201clove read\u00ading\u201d are sim\u00adi\u00adlar. First, estab\u00adlish rea\u00adson\u00adable rules, with some rit\u00adu\u00adal\u00adis\u00adtic qual\u00adi\u00adties, to con\u00adstrain both the child and the read\u00ader. Sec\u00adond, cul\u00adti\u00advate their atten\u00adtion by read\u00ading aloud, and cul\u00adti\u00advate the habit of qui\u00adet read\u00ading through con\u00adtin\u00adu\u00adous silent reading\u2014essentially, con\u00adcen\u00adtra\u00adtion. Third, per\u00adse\u00advere. The prin\u00adci\u00adple of help\u00ading chil\u00addren fall in love with read\u00ading is actu\u00adal\u00adly quite sim\u00adple.
\n <\/p>\n

     
\nPar\u00adent\u00ading can be seen as a prac\u00adtice of love, as can dat\u00ading and mar\u00adriage. Their great\u00adest advan\u00adtage is that prac\u00adti\u00adtion\u00aders have a clear object of prac\u00adtice. There\u00adfore, any\u00adone with com\u00admon sense should be able to real\u00adize that chil\u00addren and lovers are the best gifts bestowed by God.
\n <\/p>\n

     
\nBy exten\u00adsion, a per\u00adson\u00ad\u2019s entire life can be con\u00adsid\u00adered a prac\u00adtice of love. Of course, this is more dif\u00adfi\u00adcult, as it often lacks a sense of pur\u00adpose. There\u00adfore, Chris\u00adtian\u00adi\u00adty empha\u00adsizes uni\u00adver\u00adsal love, Con\u00adfu\u00adcian\u00adism advo\u00adcates \u201cRespect the elder\u00adly as your own, and the young as your own,\u201d and Bud\u00addhism empha\u00adsizes the Bod\u00adhisatt\u00adva path. In short, it all comes down to extend\u00ading one\u2019s own kind\u00adness to oth\u00aders, as the say\u00ading goes, \u201cDo not do to oth\u00aders what you do not want oth\u00aders to do to you.\u201d But this is indeed dif\u00adfi\u00adcult.
\n <\/p>\n

     
\nThere\u00adfore, the path of spir\u00adi\u00adtu\u00adal prac\u00adtice is tru\u00adly long, and life holds many joys ahead. Peo\u00adple with chil\u00addren are rel\u00ada\u00adtive\u00adly more for\u00adtu\u00adnate, pri\u00admar\u00adi\u00adly because spir\u00adi\u00adtu\u00adal prac\u00adtice is cheap\u00ader (con\u00adve\u00adnient and appro\u00adpri\u00adate). Haha~<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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